What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
