I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
