Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
