WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
