this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
All I want is dick and wine.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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