Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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