yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Welp...herpes.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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