I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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