Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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