508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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