Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
im about as happy as oj after his trial
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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