Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
