once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
