i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
