Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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