pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
