does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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