Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize