Do you still have your period?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize