i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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