Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
