not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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