I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
