bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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