What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
