Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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