Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
