Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
