We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
