just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
