Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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