bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
