Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
there is puke in my bra ... again
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