Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
