I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She bit a glass in half.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
