it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
