I didn't shave. On purpose
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's never too late to be topless.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
