as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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