i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
