im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
