I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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