Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
