Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
