Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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