apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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