Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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