East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
either way he was missing a nipple.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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