Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
