I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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