You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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