tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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