i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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