my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
When did angry sex become our thing?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
