Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
