Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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