she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i think my cat just said my name.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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