Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
