Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
