I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
