he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
