Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize