we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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