Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you would pick up someone in the library
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
